Why I wish I didn’t get an epidural

From the start of my pregnancy I didn’t really want an epidural because I mean so many women before us didn’t have that opinion and I was curious. Then I let other people influence my decision so I put on my birth plan I’ll decide at the time. Well I went into to labor on my own. Got check in. Someone in the labor room (family member) asked the nurse if they’d send me home if I wasn’t progressing. They said probably so unless I had already received an epidural (obviously they can’t send you home numb waist down). I did not want to go home, I was there and ready to have that baby! I believe I was progressing just fine because nothing was said. Nurse asked me when it was my last chance to get it and I said I guess so. Later on she came back with antheselogist and I thought to myself ugh I wish she would’ve forgot about it. I honestly wasn’t in any real pain, felt like intense period cramps or like I was sore after a good ab workout. I should’ve spoke up but I was scared that it would start hurting and I’d regret it but man I regret it now and this is why…

The word epidural made me cringed. Watching videos of someone stick something in your spine is not something I’d recommend if you want an epidural. In birthing class they passed the thing around they place in your spine. No. No. No. That right there really freaked me out. So when they were getting ready to administer the epidural I was already shaking, like if I were freezing or something. I don’t think that helped. Soon as he stuck me the first time I got this instant pain going up my spine giving me the worst headache. The pain was so bad I got really nauseous. I had my head on the nurse’s shoulder just praying I wouldn’t throw up on her. The epidural took the second time. Soon as they were done I told her I needed to puke and she got me a bag. I threw up the Zaxby’s dinner we had that night. I was perfectly numbed. I could still move a little and feel but I couldn’t feel pain, just like pressure and tingling. After she was born I got up to to use the bathroom, I’m pretty sure I looked like a drunk person walking. The nurse tried to help me but I said “no I got this”. She made Andrew walk behind me. Lol. Anyways little bit of a timeline. I checked into the hospital at midnight, 5 cm dilated, and Alaina was born at 7:41am. That night I couldn’t get comfortable at all my back hurt so bad and walking was the most painful thing ever. It hurt to lay down. They sent a different antheseologist to come talk to me. He said he could give me a spinal tap or blood patch, maybe the same thing. He described the procedure to me and I said nope I don’t want nothing else stuck in my spine. We went home from the hospital when Alaina was two days old. It seemed to get worse everyday. I couldn’t turn my neck, it was horrible. It got worse before it got better. It had been almost two weeks and I was in tears, I couldn’t lift my head from my pillow. But then a couple days later I was fine. The first two weeks of Alaina’s life was a blur between being on no sleep, in horrible pain, and struggling with breastfeeding. It was wow, us women are strong. I have no idea how I made it. I still have pain sometimes. Sitting on hard chairs or standing up for a period of time hurts my back. I hope over time the pain goes away.

Next baby I’m going to remind myself what I really want and I’m going to block out what others say. I know I’m strong enough to handle it.

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